


La Liste

by Jaamesbbarnes



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Fluff, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 18:53:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16898070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaamesbbarnes/pseuds/Jaamesbbarnes
Summary: Bucky has quickly made himself his spot into your life since that night he came into your office to beg you for a kiss. Now here is the list of all the things you want to do with him. (Based on the French song ‘La Liste’ by Rose)





	1. “Snuggle close to your heart and forgive your mistakes”

“Good job, Y/N,” Natasha told you as you were about to walk out of the quinjet. She placed her hand on your shoulder and squeezed it softly, offering you a smile. You smiled back at her and nodded. “Thank you for trusting me on this and for having my back,” you chuckled tiredly. She shrugged, waving a dismissing hand in the air. “I couldn’t have completed this mission without you. Now you go home and rest, I’ll handle the report.” You sighed in relief and thanked her again before walking towards the elevator. Your hand automatically reached for Bucky’s floor button but you suddenly stopped mid-air, thinking for a second before pressing the first level button. Your heart felt heavy in your chest. You missed him, you wanted to see him. To share the success of your first mission with him. But right now you were too tired to deal with him.

Relief washed over you when you was that a driver was waiting for you to bring you home. You checked your phone the second you buckled your belt. The screen was shattered from a bad fall when you tried to free yourself from the agent that tried to strangle you. You made him lose his balance like Natasha had showed you once. You ended up escaping him but not without falling heavily first, you could feel the large bruise forming on your thigh and butt. But you couldn’t care less. Your screen was lit up with missed calls messages from Bucky.

“Y/N please answer me! I’m sorry!”

“Doll, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it! Please let’s talk about it before you go!”

“Y/N please be safe! Listen to Nat and tell me when you’re back! I need to know you’re safe.”

About fifteen other texts were waiting for you. You read them all, tears rushing to your eyes as your fight with Bucky played over and over in your head. You were in the briefing room, near Tony and Nat as they explained in what the mission will consist of. You helped Nat creating a system that will crack the targeted Hydra base in no time. You were actually really proud of yourself for coming up with that idea and creating it from scratch in no time.

You were explaining the plan in detail to the whole team and when Nat started to tell how your infiltration was going to happen, Bucky snapped in her direction when the redhead mentioned you would be on the field. “No.” He simply said, making the entire team frown in confusion. “No, what?” Nat asked. “She’s not going,” he simply said, pointing at you but looking at Tony and Nat. The atmosphere in the room changed right the second. Your eyes widen and you felt anger tug at your heart. As Nat and Tony argued that you were absolutely necessary on the field for the success on the mission, Bucky’s face was completely closed and he kept on refusing for you to leave or even look at you.

Tired of his attitude, you scoffed and you snapped back at him. “Yes she is!” you asserted, not liking hearing Bucky talking about you as if you weren’t there, as if you weren’t able to make your own decision. Everybody in the room inhaled sharply and, a few second later, the room had been emptied except for the two of you. Bucky’s eyes were piercing through you but you didn’t flinch. “You’re not going, you’re not an agent,” Bucky said, shaking his head.

You scoffed in disbelief. “Says who? You?“ The bitterness of your tone made your stomach twitch. “I’m sorry Bucky but I’m my own person and I can take my own decisions.” Bucky still refused to answer you and you felt your anger make your blood start to boil. “Nat trusts me, Tony does too, why can’t you?” you asked, your tone rising despite your urge to hide how hurt you were that, of all people, he was the one not trusting you. “Because you’re not strong enough!” he roared, standing up, surprising the two of you and you couldn’t help but take a step back. You both stared at each other and you tried your best not to break in front of him. You felt as if someone knocked air out of your lungs. You’ve never heard him raised his voice before, even less at you.

Bucky’s eyes widen when he realized what he had just said. “Y/N, no, I didn’t-” You raised your hand for him to stop talking, trying to swallow the tightening knot in your throat. “I am strong enough.” You said, firmly yet calmly. “I am going with Nat. We’re leaving tonight wether you want it or not, end of the story. This isn’t the forties anymore, James. You don’t get to decide for me.” He tried to walk in your direction, pleading you with his eyes but you stepped back, making him stop in his track as you left the room.

You shook your head to forget the image of Bucky standing in the briefing room and calling after you. It’s been thirty-six hours since you left and you hadn’t seen him since this moment but his voice still rang in your brain too clearly and vividly. The mission had been a success, no damaged was done, except for your phone but Stark would replace it before tomorrow. Only your ego and your leg were bruised. And maybe your trust in Bucky too. You still couldn’t believe he even dared say those words to you, treat you like a baby in front of the whole team.

It was your first big fight since you started dating a few months ago, after his mission. Everything had been pretty much perfect. According to your friends, you were annoying to be around because you just couldn’t stop ranting about how perfect of a gentleman Bucky was. He was still the same infuriating flirt, able to make your day better just by stepping into your office and smile at you. The bantering was still strong but it was your thing. He made you laugh, he made you feel safe and cared for. Fuck he made you feel like you were the sexiest, most beautiful woman that ever walked this planet. You’ve never felt more in synch with someone before. So the fact that he could say that you weren’t strong enough and indirectly disrespect all your hard work in front of your boss and coworkers was a bitter pill to swallow.

You sighed tiredly and tucked your phone in your pocket, too tired to deal with him right now anyway. You thanked the driver and got out of the car to slowly make your way up your apartment. And saying that to see Bucky sitting against your door was a surprise would be a lie. You suppressed a sigh and did your best to ignore him as you looked for your keys. The second he saw you, he jumped on his feet. “Y/N!” he sighed in relief when he saw you were intact, not a single scratch to be seen.

He moved on the side when you stepped closer, determined to open your door and flinched when you didn’t look at him. “Please Y/N, I’m sorry,” he pleaded and you hated the way your heart clenched at his tone. “I know, I read your texts,” you answered flatly, fumbling with the lock. That lock was capricious. You always joked that one day you’d be trapped outside of your apartment because of it but right now was really not the moment. You groaned in frustration, slamming your hand against the door, cursing.

“Here, let me help,” Bucky said softly, trying to reach for the key. “No!” you snapped, a little more high-pitched than intended. You immediately felt tears of frustration filling up your eyes. “I can do it by myself, okay? I don’t need you! I don’t need anyone!” You tried to sniff back your tears but it was too late. “Fuck!” you mumbled, harshly wiping them away and trying again with the lock. Bucky’s heart felt to the floor as he looked at you intently, his arms twitching to pull you close to him and rock you until you calmed down. Like you did to him when he had a nightmare. He knew the door wasn’t the reason you were so angry. He was. He was the one who brought tears to your eyes. He fucked up bad and he hated himself for that. You’ve been nothing but understanding and patient with him, even on his bad days and he hurt you.

You could feels your skin burning under his gaze and kicked the door, making him jump in surprise and the door miraculously give in. You sighed in relief. “Go away, James, please,” you muttered, walking in. You used his first name again, like during your fight. He hated it. He hated how it made it look like you were strangers. He hated how cold your tone was when you said it. The only time he liked hearing you calling him James involved much less clothes and more physical contact. He couldn’t bear the idea of losing. Seeing you walking away from him once was devastating enough, he knew he couldn’t do it twice. He felt panic building within him. Panic to lose you because he was so bad at expressing his feelings.

“Please, Y/N, I’m sorry. So sorry. I know I fucked up real bad but please look at me!” Bucky begged, not stepping inside because it was your personal space and he didn’t want to overstep. You scoffed and turned around looking right into his eyes and you clenched your fists to keep yourself from rushing into his arms, shutting your instinct to comfort him. “You hurt me, Bucky. You dissed me and my work. Treated me like a child in front of my boss, in front of my friends. Did not believe in me or support me when I needed it because I was stepping out of my comfort zone. Yes, I think saying that you fucked up sounds about right.” Your tone was tired but it cut deeply into Bucky’s heart. His bottom lip started to tremble.

“I’m sorry, so deeply sorry, Y/N. I… I freaked out. I reacted poorly because I panicked. You were talking about going on a mission for the first time, you didn’t even tell me about it!” he argued, trying desperately to explain himself. You chuckled dryly. “I’m sorry, next time I’ll send you a memo. Maybe I didn’t tell you because I’ve been busy working and that Nat just thought it would be easier if I accompanied her because she knew she couldn’t do it herself. Because she trusted me. Maybe I didn’t think about telling you because I thought you’d support me and be excited for me! For fuck’s sake, I thought you knew me! I thought you knew I would never have decided to go with her if I thought I wasn’t capable of it! Why being with me if that’s what you think of me? Why did you say those things to me?” You spoke faster and louder, making Bucky’s heart pound in his chest from causing such pain to you. He couldn’t bear it anymore, he couldn’t keep it to himself anymore. “Fucking hell! Because I love you, Y/N!” he blurted out, his voice echoing in the staircase.

Your heart stopped. His too. You both stared at each other, holding your breath. Your head was pounding from the stressful past couple days and you weren’t sure you heard him right. “What?” you whispered breathlessly, feeling your eyes prickling with tears again. Bucky took a careful step in your direction, testing the water. When you didn’t move away, he walked in your direction to stand right in front of you. You kept your eyes where they were so you were staring at his chest. Ever so softly, he placed his index beneath your chin and titled your face up so you were met with his eyes. A silent tear rolled down your cheek and he wiped it away with his thumb.

“I said I love you, Y/N. I’m sorry I blurted it out that way and I’m sorry I said those things. I panicked. I was scared that something would happen to you because I wouldn’t be there to protect you. You’re strong. Fuck, you’re the strongest person I know. I’m the one who’s not strong enough when it comes to you. And I’m gonna say it again because I’ve been wanting to say it for weeks: I love you, doll. And I’m deeply sorry I ever brought tears to those beautiful eyes of yours and I promise I’ll do everything I can to make it up to you. But please, please don’t leave me,” his last sentence was barely a whisper. You had to close your eyes not to cry again and bite your lip to stop it from trembling so much.

His eyes reflected nothing but love and regret and you knew he meant every single word he said. Overwhelmed, exhausted, relieved, you let your head fall against his chest and you wrapped your arms tight around him. You automatically nuzzled his shirt, filling your lungs with his scent and let his steady heartbeat soothe the storm inside your head. He sighed in relief and wrapped his arms around you, burying his nose in your hair and relishing in the familiar and comforting feeling of your form against him. You stayed a while like that, enjoying each other’s presence. A small smile creeped up your lips as his words replayed in your head.

“You’re an ass,” you mumbled against his shirt. His chest rumbled, sign that he was chuckling and he hugged you tighter. “That I am,” he reckoned, kissing the top of your head. Your smile widened and you pulled away just enough to look up at him. You only noticed now how tired he looked and you knew in an instant he probably didn’t close an eye the whole time you were away. But the way he looked at you was so tender and pure, you felt it deep down to your bones. “You’re an ass, Barnes. But you’re my ass and I love you too,” you said softly, a playful smirk playing on your lips. His heart bursted out of his chest and his lips curled up into the goofiest smile. “You do?” he breathed out, his eyes shining with hope and excitement, making you chuckle softly. You nodded and tiptoed to kiss his lips. ”I do. And I’m gonna make your life a living hell because there’s no way I’m letting you run away from me now,” you grinned against his lips. “Good, because I’m not going anywhere.”


	2. "Go To Ikea"

Bucky was aware. Too aware of the thick crowd surrounding you as you tried to make your way to the escalator. Why he had agreed to go to Ikea on a Saturday afternoon was a mystery to him. Well, kind of. You had offered him your best puppy eyes and promised him you’d treat him to a dozen of cinnamon rolls and coffee if he agreed. And you also pleaded him ever since you opened your eyes that morning, using that cute little voice that made it impossible for him to say no to.

You knew how much he disliked shopping but you needed his opinion and his strong arms to help you carry the bookshelf you needed to buy. And you also loved doing normal stuff with him, something not related to your job or the Avengers. And what was more normal than going to Ikea with your boyfriend? You promised him to get out the second it became too much for him, even if you didn’t have time to buy anything. “I’ll buy it online if I have too, okay? So tell me and we’ll get out and go to my place to eat pizza and make out,” you said as you intertwined your fingers with his and adjusted his cap with your free hand as the escalator brought you to the main floor of the store.

He smiled softly at you and nodded before leaning to peck your lips softly. The peak of his cap bumped into your forehead, making you giggle. That sound never failed to make his lips curl up and his heart swell up in his chest, even today, in the middle of that too big, too crowded store. He brought your hand to his lips to kiss the back of it and lightly squeezed your fingers. It felt good to be normal from time to time.

You made your way through the alleys. You always made sure to only stop when necessary or where there wasn’t too many people. As the minutes passed, you were surprised not to sense Bucky tense or crush your fingers. He even joked around and commented on every thing you pointed at. “How about that above the couch?” you asked with the most serious tone as you pointed at the most hideous painting you had ever seen. Bucky suppressed a snort and nodded, looking as serious as you before pointing at another one that was somehow even more horrendous. “I think this one would match the colors of your living room better.” The heartfelt laugh that ran past your lips made Bucky smile proudly for being the reason you were laughing so loud. Nothing else existed when you were laughing.

You shook your head affectionately before lifting his cap to kiss him softly, “that’s why I love you, you have excellent taste,” you grinned against his lips. He chuckled against your lips, “I do, don’t I?” he asked, giving you an appreciative once over and you snorted a laugh before pulling the cap down so low on his eyes he couldn’t see, “dork!” He grinned goofily, not readjusting his cap just yet. “Your dork!” he emphasized, making your hold around his hand tighter and smile brighter, even though you didn’t know it was humanly possible. “My dork,” you confirmed.

You made your way through the different decors, ignoring the kids yelling and running everywhere and the couple whisper-yelling at each other over the color of their couch. You caught Bucky shooting glances at one of them, completely puzzled at how stupid it was to fight over something like the color of their future couch, especially in public. When his eyes fell on you, he realized he’d never want to fight with you about furnitures. He never wanted to fight with you ever again. His heart still ached when he remembered the way you face crumbled when you fought during that briefing. How lost and terrified he was of losing you. Terrified that the last thing he would have told you was that you weren’t strong enough when in fact you were stronger than anybody he knew. Because he knew that he needed you more than you needed him and he was completely at peace with that. So the color of a couch didn’t matter as long as, at the end of the day, you’d let him come over and he got to sit on the said couch with.

You smirked when you caught Bucky’s attention again, giving him a knowing look about him gossiping like a teenager. You tugged on his hand to make him walk again towards the bookshelf area, sighing dramatically. “She had a valid point, though. I, too, would leave you if you picked a yellow or green couch,” you cringed, looking at the bookshelf you had set your heart on. Bucky snorted a laugh and gasped “No way! I’d stay on that couch forever, you wouldn’t be able to move me out of your apartment, you’d have to live with it,” he chuckled, kissing your cheeks from behind you, scratching his stubble against your skin. You giggled, leaning your face away from his and feigned a gasp. “And having you purposely cock-blocking me every time I bring a guy home? No way!”

Bucky planted his lips on your cheek and chuckled, “oh doll, I had to literally hunt you down to your office to get you. How are you going to bring someone else?” You shrugged, trying to ignore the shiver running up your spin at his breath against your skin. You didn’t have to look at him, you could feel him smirk. “I could bring Thor, him and I get along quite well. I mean, I do miss his long hair but, you know, we could make it work,” you said casually, focusing back on the bookshelf, biting hard your tongue to keep yourself from l laughing at the stupid look on Bucky’s face.

“You wouldn’t,” he said warily, squinting his eyes. “Test me, Barnes,” you answered on the same tone. “I’m gonna kill him with my bare hands,” he mumbled, making you chuckle. You cradled his jaw and squeezed his cheeks together, “no you won’t. You’re gonna remember that bookshelf reference because my phone is dead and you’re gonna come with me pick new pillows because you hate mine so much,” you said, trying not to laugh at how dumb he looked. He sighed dramatically before nodding, “yes ma’am,” he chuckled making you grin you grinned.

You spent a moment, testing all the pillows to find ones that would please the two of you. Bucky spent a lot of time at your place, enjoying your Brooklyn apartment beyond reason. To you it didn’t make sense because it was really small and couldn’t compare with anything in the Avengers facility. But to Bucky it was comfy and intimate. It meant cosy nights and lazy weekends spent in bed, late afternoon walks in the park, home-cooked meals and long baths together. He was more often at your place than his room at the Tower. He had his own drawers in your room. Since you started dating, you tried to avoid late working night, Bucky always made sure to come by your office when he decided you had worked enough so you could walk to your place. When you really had to keep on working, he’d wait for you in his room and you’d spend the night there instead of your office couch.

Your eyes drifted towards the bedlinen section and you looked at a white and grey one that would look nice in your room. With his new pillow tucked under his metal arm, Bucky followed you. He noticed the one you were looking at “it looks nice and it’d match your room,” he remarked, making you smile. “This one too,” he said, pointing at another one with the same shades but different patterns. You nodded before looking at him, “which one do you prefer?” you asked. Bucky shrugged, “I don’t know, they both look nice and it’s your bed so your decision.” A sheepish smile creeped up your lips and he frowned in confusion when you answered “not necessarily.”

“Look, I know we never talked about it before so I’d understand if you need a few days to think about it but how about you move in with me? Like, officially. I mean, you basically live there already, you have your stuff there and your own pillow now!” you pointed at the pillow under his arm. “You can keep your room at the tower of course! I mean, I crash there so many times because of the crazy hours but, yeah, you already have all you stuff at my place and it seems to work out pretty good when you’re here and I love you and I love waking up with you and we already have this routine and—” your babbling was cut off by Bucky’s lips and yours, his hands cupping your cheeks firmly as you felt the pillow falling on your feet.

You whimpered miserably against his lips, your hands reaching for his wrists and clinging harshly on it. Bucky pulled away with the goofiest smile playing on his lips and his hands still cupping your face. “Does that mean yes or shut up?” you chuckled breathlessly, you heart pounding so hard in your chest you felt like it was gonna crack open any second now.

Bucky chuckled, smiling impossibly wide as his thumbs softly brushed your cheeks. “Both. Shut up because yes I want to move in with you.” His eyes were filled with nothing but love and adoration. Right here, right now, your were giving a show in the middle the Ikea crowd but he couldn’t care less because there was only you. You who never saw him as a monster, who was there for him even on bad days, who made him fit into your daily routine as if he always belonged there, with you. “But you gotta tell me when you crash at the tower or come home, because snoring is less funny when you’re not here to kick me in the shin and ask me to roll on my side,” he grinned, calling your place home made his heart flutter in his chest. Home. He finally found home and it was with you.


	3. “Make you laugh and swallow your sighs, to love each other when we’re intoxicated.”

“Nooooooo,” you whined when Steve took your glass away from you, giving you his best Captain America look of disapproval but his lips still dancing on the edge of a smile. “I think you two had enough,” the blond said, pointing at you and Bucky who’s glassy eyes and gazed smile showed that Thor’s Asgardian drink overpowered the supersoldier serum. You suppressed a laughter when your boyfriend realized you were talking about him and offered you a large grin. “But it’s my birthday, come on!” you pouted. Steve shook his head and chuckled, “I’m pretty sure the party is over, anyway” he stated.

You frowned and looked around the room to see that, indeed, all the guests were now gone and half of the team was already asleep on the couch. “Ugh, you’re all pretty weak for the world’s mightiest heroes,” you sighed dramatically, making Bucky giggle and snake his arm around your waist. “How about we let them cleaning and go celebrating properly in our room?“ he whispered in your neck. His breath tickled you, making goosebumps arise all over your skin and the giggle that escaped your lips made Steve roll his eyes. You two were already insufferable when sober, but inebriated you were somehow even worse.

It was almost funny how, if one of you came in a room where the other was, it was like everything around you two disappeared. If you entered the kitchen to have lunch with the rest of the team, Bucky’s face would light up completely and whoever he was talking to would be now facing air because the former Winter Soldier would be right by your side the second his eyes landed on you. “Hi, doll,” he’d smile cheekily, snaking his arm around your waist and tipping you over for a dramatic kiss. Your giggling would make everybody’s eyes roll high up to the ceiling but neither of you would care because you were still professional when needed. Bucky wouldn’t disrupt your work unless you were in terrible need of a break and neither of you would even sit next to each other during briefings. 

Right now you were happy that Bucky and you prepared an overnight bag, anticipating the fact you would both prefer crashing at the tower after the party rather than go all the way back to Brooklyn in your now shared apartment. Your face lit up with mischief at Bucky’s innuendo. You nodded eagerly and intertwined your fingers with his, not losing one second before dragging him to the elevator and waving at Steve. The Captain waved back, shaking his head affectionately at you two, happy to see his best friend so carefree again. He truly was a new man since you walked into his life. Or no, Bucky wasn’t truly a new man, he was his old self again. And nothing could make Steve happier. That and the perfect soundproofing in all the rooms of the Avengers facility.

The elevator doors barely closed on you two that your back met the wall and Bucky’s lips were hungrily attached to your neck, his hands everywhere. The buzzy feeling in his brain wasn’t so familiar to him anymore, it’s been a long time since he felt the effects on alcohol on his system. And having you sighing in content in his ear and purring his name in delight didn’t help him much to ground himself. He was addicted to every single sound you made, especially since he was the reason they ran past your lips. You bit your bottom lip when his teeth grazed upon that sweet spot of yours, right below your ear. You dug your fingers into the firm flesh of his shoulders right shoulder, your other hand tangled in his hair as you rolled your head back against the wall of the elevator. “Fuck, Y/N, you sure looked like a snack, tonight,” Bucky hummed against your skin, his hands finding your ass and cupping it tightly. “I think you mentioned it once or twice,” you chuckled breathlessly, gripping on him as if your life depended on it because his lips were making you weak in the knees. He felt your legs wobble and he chuckled. His voice deeper than usual and echoed into you when you squealed his name at the feeling of his teeth digging at the junction of your neck and shoulder, covering the elevator “ding” when you reached your floor. You barely had time to understand what was going that you were thrown over Bucky’s shoulder, his hand smacking your ass playfully before he made his way to his former room.

Your shrieks were cut off by your heartfelt laughters that grew even louder when you were casted onto the bed, Bucky’s form quickly hovering above you. “You’re a caveman,” you giggled, cupping his face. His clean-shaved cheeks were warm under your palms and you could already feel his stubble starting to grow again. His smile reached up so high, his eyes were surrounded by the familiar crinkled that made you heart sing every time he smiled your way. “Don’t act like you don’t like it,” he chuckled, planting a kiss on your lips, letting himself falls on you enough to trap you without actually crushing you.

You chuckled against his lips, one of your hand reaching behind his head to pull on his, or rather your, hair tie and free his hair from his bun. You immediately felt his hair fall on each side of his said, brushing your cheeks in the process. “It tickles,” you giggled, goosebumps arising all over your body. Bucky felt his heart bubbling in his chest at the sound of your laugh and he couldn’t help but shake his head to make the locks brush your cheeks even more as his lips hunted his favorite spot again. Every sound erupting from you made him crave for more. Your laugh, your breathless sighs of his name, your soft moans you didn’t even bother holding back. Each sound that made him feel more and more alive because knowing that he could turn you into this happy mess was all he needed.

“m’not doing anything, doll,” Bucky mumbled against your neck as his hand danced on the side of your body and making your head spin. “Stop,” you whined, giggling and reaching for his hand. He trapped your fingers in his with an infuriating ease and pinned your hand above your head before pulling away enough to look at you, a soft smile creeping up his lips. Your makeup and sophisticated hairdo had passed from all the dancing, your mascara was slightly smudged from laughing too much all night long and your lipstick was a long forgotten memory after the delicious food you had shared with all your loved ones tonight. But your eyes shined with so much love and happiness, Bucky was sure he never saw you more beautiful than right at this instant. He gently squeezed you fingers as his left hand brushed your cheek ever so softly, your body still shaking from your dying chuckling. A dazed smile played on his lips as he carefully brushed every single inch of your face with his eyes, his heart pounding in his chest from realization that you were his.

“I know it’s your birthday, doll. But fuck, you’re the best present I’ve ever gotten.” His voice was suffused with such tenderness and adoration, you felt tears prickling your eyelids. You tilted your face enough to kiss the inside of his wrist, smiling wide at him. “Who knew drunk Barnes would be even cheesier than usual?” you teased to mask your emotion but you felt your heart expanding in your chest. Bucky chuckled heartily, knowing you enough to know you were touched by his words. “Nobody in this century, it will be our little secret,” he grinned and winked. You snorted a laugh, shaking your head affectionately. “I see you trying to get into my pants, sergeant! Being cheesy and smooth, making me drink. I thought you knew I didn’t need that?” you asked, playing with the collar of his shirt with your free hand.

Bucky’s chuckle rumbled from his chest through yours, his body reacting at your playfulness like it always did. You barely needed to do anything to have him putty in your hands and, honestly, he wouldn’t have it any other way. Your fingers brushed his collarbone too lightly to his liking and you knew it, it was deliberate. The mischief in your eyes and innocent smile, he knew them by heart now. “So, are you done being dumb? Can I unwrap my favorite gift now?” you asked, biting your bottom lip and playfully quirking your brow. Bucky squeezed your fingers lightly before letting go of your hand and pulling away. He laughed heartily at the childish whine you let out when his familiar warmth was missing and hovered above you to kiss you softly, “I’m right here, just give me a sec,” he mumbled against your lips before sitting up and reaching for the nightstand drawer. You frowned in confusion, wondering what he was looking for. “Did you buy me a sex toy?” you teased, brushing your foot against his side to tickle him. Since you discovered that the very threatening and feared former Winter Soldier was ticklish, you made his life a nightmare. Bucky automatically squirmed and laughed, catching your ankle to stop your movement as he pulled something out of the drawer. “We already established you didn’t need toys anymore because you got me and you can use me however you please,” he winked at you and you felt your body warming up and your skin tickling in anticipation.

When he sat back down on the bed and your eyes fell on his hands, his heart rate started to speed up in his chest. He had been preparing this surprise for a few weeks now but he was suddenly afraid of your reaction, despite Steve reassuring words. You noticed an envelope and red velvet box that looked a bit worn out but still like it could contain jewelry. You looked up at him, not wanting to get ahead of yourself but Bucky’s nervousness didn’t help much. “Bucky?” you called softly, sitting up on your knees so you were facing him. The former Winter Soldier offered you a shy smile. “It’s another present I wanted to give you but I thought it would be better it we were only the two of us.” You nodded and smiled at him. “You know I loved the dress and books you got me, you didn’t have to,” you assured him. Bucky nodded, “but I wanted to, it’s important.” You muttered an “okay” and gave him an encouraging smile.

Bucky took a deep breath and his lips broke into a soft smile when his eyes focused on you. He extended his hand holding the envelope to you. You carefully took it, a curious smile playing on your lips and he nodded for you to take it. You opened the envelope and pulled out of it a picture. A family picture. Your brows drawn together in confusion when you looked at all the smiling faces. Couples, children, teenagers, even a toddler. And in the middle a couple of two elderly people. You didn’t know any of them, yet, they somehow looked oddly familiar. When your eyes fell on the old woman who was holding her husband’s hand, your mouth fell open. “This is Rebecca,” Bucky said, bringing you out of your daze. Your head snapped in his direction again and you noticed his eyes were wet. You closed your mouth and looked at the picture again. “Your sister,” you breathed out, realizing that you did recognize the woman’s piercing blue eyes, they were the same as her brother’s. Bucky’s fingers pointed at the man next to her, “That’s Jonathan, her husband and them,” his finger circled around the couple to show everybody else, “they are their children, grandchildren and even great-grandson,” he pointed at the toddler at the front. “This is my sister’s family,” he paused, taking a shaky breath, “this is my family.”

You looked up at Bucky who’s emotion was visible on each of his feature. “You have a family,” you whispered, your own eyes watering. He nodded and chuckled. “Steve and Nat helped me finding them again. It wasn’t easy because she obviously changed name after marrying Jonathan,” he chuckled again. “They’ve been dating since they were thirteen. I remember having ruffled him up a little when I discovered it. I wanted to make sure he didn’t make her suffer. And look at them now.” He looked at the picture between your hands. Your heart was beating impossibly fast in your chest as you placed your hand on Bucky’s. “Oh my god! That’s great, Bucky! That’s more than great, it’s unbelievable! Have you met them yet?” You asked, unable to hide your excitement. The former Winter-Soldier shook his head before looking up at you, his smile never faltering from his lips. “Not yet. We’ve been writing for a couple months now. She lives in California with her little tribe. And she asked be to come for Thanksgiving. So I could meet everybody and catch up a little.” You sensed his nervousness at the prospect of meeting them so you squeezed his hand and smiled wide at him. “That’s an excellent idea! You can see your sister and meet all your nieces and nephews. You can meet your family!” You said encouragingly, knowing it had been a long time since he saw Rebecca and he was still ashamed of his past. “Bucky, they’re gonna love you,” you said softly and his smile turned softer. “And you.” Your brows shot up in surprise and he was the one squeezing your hand now. “Will you come meeting my family with me?” He asked, his face shining with nothing but hope and love.

A nervous, breathless chuckle ran past your lips and you nodded eagerly. « Of course! But are you sure? It’s your family! It’s the first time you’re gonna see them,” you tried to argue, not wanting to impose your presence on such private matters. “She’s introducing me to her family, it’s only fair that I introduce her to mine.” The softness in his voice and his words made your heart grew too big for you chest. “I’m your family?” you whispered, suppressing a giggle. Incredibly touched, new tears rushing to your eyes. He nodded and extended his other hand to present you the small velvet box. “You are, and that’s why I asked Becca to send me this.” He opened the box for you and you gasped softly when you saw a set of pearl earrings. “They were my mother’s. When we were young, she promised Becca the necklace and she promised me the earrings, so I could give them to the woman I love. Becca took care of them for me so now, they are yours. Happy birthday, Y/N.”

You had to place your hand over your mouth to muffle a choked up sob as you looked at him in surpise. Bucky’s eyes shined with pride and love at your reaction and a soft chuckle made his shoulder shake. “Stop mocking me!” you whined, sniffing back your tears and looking at the pearls. Bucky’s heartfelt laughter echoed in the room. He was so relieved to see you appreciated your real present, he fell like someone finally lifted the ton of brick that was resting on his chest since he contacted Rebecca again. He hated lying to you but the look on your face right now was so worth it, he regretted nothing. “I’m not mocking you, I’m just happy because your reaction is everything I had hoped for,” he chuckled softly before tucking a lock of your hair behind your ear and brushed your cheek with his metal thumb. You gently put the photo and box aside, not wanting to damage them, before sitting up on your knees and snaking your arms around his neck.

You didn’t know which one of you was smiling the widest because you both felt like your cheeks were about to crack. He automatically wrapped his arms around your middle and you bumped your nose against his. “James Buchanan Barnes, you are the most insane, sweet and loving boyfriend in the world. I don’t know what I did to deserve you but each day I find myself loving you more and more.” Bucky tightened his hold around you as you spoke, craving to feel you flushed against him. He could your words on his lips as your breaths mixed together. He felt your heart beat in harmony with his against his chest and the love radiating from you was strong enough for him to be able to touch it if he tried. “Anything for my birthday girl.”


	4. “Kiss you everywhere”

You heart was pounding heavily in your chest as all your calls were met with silence, immediately sent to voicemail. You cursed and hang up, pleading the cab driver to go a little faster. Once you were in your building, you didn’t even wait for the elevator, running up the stairs. “Bucky?” you called as you rushed inside the apartment. You dropped your purse and kicked your shoes in the lobby before starting looking for your boyfriend. You had been stuck in the lab all day long without any access to your phone. It’s only when Tony walked in, looking pretty beaten up that you realized it was already this late. When you asked him what happened, he explained that the mission was a disaster. The call was a set up and a bomb exploded, injuring and killing civilians in the process.

Fear spread injuring your veins, making your heart beat faster. When your face started to crumble, Tony reassured you immediately. “Barnes is okay. Well, as okay as he can be. He… he tried to run and save this woman with her two kids but he wasn’t fast enough.” Your heart stopped as mental pictures rushed in your head. “He’s really shaken up. Steve had to keep him from rushing into the building again.” Tony sighed and shook his head. The team rarely had disastrous missions, it was a rough shot for all of them. “Where is he?” you managed to ask, trying to contain your shaky hands. You needed to see Bucky. You didn’t know how he was, how he was handling the situation, how bad this could trigger him. “Home. Your home. He didn’t need to go to the medical bay and we decided the report could wait until tomorrow.” You inhaled sharply and immediately dropped everything you were doing, not even asking Tony if it was okay with him. You just ran.

After seeing the living room and kitchen in the dark, the next location to go through was the bedroom. Your heart beat an extra beat in anticipation when you saw a ray of light under the door. After taking a second to brace yourself, you took a deep breath, trying to ease your nerves and gently knocked on the door. No one answered, but maybe he did and you couldn’t hear it over your erratic heartbeat pounding in your ears? You cleared your throat. “Bucky, I’m going to come in,” you gently warned, not to startle him. This time you didn’t waited and, very slowly, you opened the door. You didn’t even need to scan the room, your eyes immediately landed on him, sitting on the bed, his head hanging low and face buried in his hands. He was still wearing his tactical gear. The only thing missing was his heavy boots that were lying on the floor near the door. Your heart sank in your chest when you saw him. It was the first failed mission since you met. After the tremendous progresses he did over the past year, you were terrified of this mission consequences on Bucky’s mental health.

You walked in his direction, your anticipation growing with each step you took. “Bucky,” you called softly once you were standing in front of him. He didn’t answer. Everything in you ached from helplessness, distress to see him at war with himself. You raised your hand to place it on his head, to assure him you were there but you stopped, not sure about his reaction if you did so. Not sure of the boundaries that could be cross or not. Not sure of anything anymore. “Babe, can I touch you?” you asked, not wanting to startle him, not knowing what was okay. After a second that felt like eternity to you, he nodded. You sighed in relief and stepped closer until his hands were touching your stomach and you gently placed your hands on his head. You ran your hand through his hair once, twice, three times. Your touch was soft and familiar. Bucky felt another wave of emotions rushing through him as his entire body answered to you. With each stroke, you felt him relax more and more. His hands eventually fell down and he pressed his face against your stomach as he clang on your shirt. You felt the fabric soaking up his tears and your heart felt to the floor. Automatically, you bent over, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and head and held him tight, whispering that you were here for him no matter what.

It took forever for his shoulders to stop shaking with silent sobs. You were not quite sure how long but your spine was aching from the weird angle and honestly, you couldn’t care less. Right now he was being real and vulnerable and he needed you. You pressed a kiss at the top of his head and you felt him pull away just enough to wipe his tears away. He sniffed, his eyes glued to your top. “Sorry about that,” he muttered, his voice hoarse from the crying. You sighed and shook your head before cupping his face ever so softly. You gently brushed his cheeks and leaned to press a kiss to his forehead. “Don’t be,” you whispered, not liking that he was avoiding looking at you in the eyes, as if he was ashamed. “Tony told me,” you said carefully, “you did everything you could.” He sighed and nodded but you knew it wasn’t enough for him and how could you blame him? He tried his best to make up for everything he did in the past and you knew right know he thought he had failed. Nothing you could say would make him believe you.

Bucky was exhausted and devastated, what he needed right now was to be taken care of and rest. You gently lifted up his face and your eyes met for the first time. There was so much sadness and helplessness in his eyes, you could feel it cut deep into your heart. Ever so softly, you brushed your thumbs across his cheeks and leaned closer. Slowly, so he could pull away if he wanted. But he didn’t. He needed it. He needed you. Bucky needed your lips, your touch, your presence. He needed you to ground him, to keep him from spiraling even more. Because everything was alright when he was with you. When your lips landed on his forehead again, he couldn’t help but close his eyes to enjoy the feeling. Your lips traveled down to the tip of his nose, his cheekbones, his eyelids, his jaw. For each kiss, Bucky’s muscles would relax a little more to the point where he felt heavy against you but you didn’t move. You carried him, supported him. You pressed the softest kiss against his lips and you were almost surprised to feel his own moving against yours. The deep sigh that escaped him vibrated through you. The kiss was soft but the despair behind it shook you a little. His hold around you was still tight and you waited for him to interrupt the kiss before you gently brushed your nose against his.

Bucky hummed in content when you gently scratched his skull as you ran your hands through his hair again. And he felt the tension slowly vanishing as your warmth reached deep down and warmed up his cold insides, reminding his heart to keep on beating. “Shower?” you whisper softly, knowing it was usually what helped him wash the mission off him. And the hot water was exactly what he needed right now. Bucky nodded and opened his eyes. “You?” he asked shyly, not wanting to part already. A smile tugged on your lips and you nodded, “I’m right with you,” you assured him, making him sigh in relief. He took a second before managing to stand up. Each one of his muscles ached and felt heavier than his metal limb. And, despite him being way taller than you, he looked small right now, almost vulnerable. His arms were still tight around you and his eyes were glued to your face, afraid that if he blinked, you’d disappear like that poor woman and her children that called his name over and over again. You saw a shadow cross his eyes and tiptoed to press another soft kiss on his lips to bring him back to you. His heart to skipped a beat in his chest, causing him to feel alive.

Very gently, your lips still against his, you started unzipping his thick jacket. He didn’t show any resistance, knowing he wouldn’t have the strength to take off his heavy clothes by himself. When you tried to help him shrug it off, you realized his hold was too tight around you to move. You parted your lips and pecked him softly, “I’m not going anywhere,” you whispered. Bucky looked at you for a second, trying to persuade himself that you weren’t lying. He knew you weren’t but sometimes his mind played tricks on him. “I’m right here, James,” you added when you noticed he seemed at war with himself. When you offered him a reassuring smile, he nodded and slowly and reluctantly unwrapped his arms to let them fall heavily against his sides. You kissed his chin, whispering that you would always be here for him as your hands slid under the jacked and pushed the piece of clothing off him. It fell on the ground in a muffle thud, leaving Bucky in a thin, black, long-sleeved shirt. You felt him shiver, knowing he didn’t feel protected without it. Your hands travelled down his torso and his core muscles tensed under your touch, like every time. The first time or the millionth, he’d always react the same way to you hands on him. You planted your eyes in his as you pulled his shirt out of his cargo pants and waited for his nod to pull it off him completely. Your movements were slow to spare his tired and aching muscles, stopping every time he’d huff or grunt in pain. Once the piece of clothing met the floor, you suppressed a gasp when you saw the large bruises covering his ribcage and arm, trying to remember they’d be gone by the morning.

Bucky shivered when your hands came in direct contact with his skin but it was when your lips came in contact with his neck that his breathing hitched. Your lips traveled down to his collarbone, then to his right bicep, applying the lightest amount of pressure on the bruises as your right hand danced on his left shoulder. You felt his muscles spasming and smiled. “It’s okay,” you mumbled against his skin, looking up at him. You saw his bottom lip tremble before he bring it between his teeth. The softness of your touch on him combined to your loving gaze overwhelmed him in a new different way. Each nerve ending tickled under your fingers and lips, setting his skin on fire. His heart rate speeded up more than it did earlier today when your free hand reached down to unbutton his cargo pants. He whimpered your name, his abs clenching when you brushed his lower stomach. “I’m right here,” you assured him, kneeling in front of him as you kissed a trail down to his navel. You waited a second before opening his pants, making sure it was okay with him. He breathed out shakily and nodded, allowing you to peel him off of his remaining clothes.

Once everything was on the floor, you stood up and planted your eyes in his as you took his hands and guided them to the hem of your shirt. Bucky looked uncertain for the first time when it came to take your clothes off you. But you only smiled at him and lifted your shirt enough so he could press his hands on your skin. You didn’t know which one of you shivered the most at the contrast of your hot skin and the cold metal hand, it was a sensation you’d never grow tired of. You guided his hands higher on your stomach and the former Winter soldier grew more confidant. He brushed your skin softly, his eyes never leaving yours. You slowly took off your shirt and your bra, Bucky’s hands still on you, dancing on the side of your body, tracing the curve of your boob at an antagonizing slow pace, causing your breathing to hitch. Your skin tickled everywhere his eyes were. A gentle smile tugged on his lips as he rediscovered your soft body, his heart beating steady in pride in his chest. His. You were his. “God, I love you so much,” he whispered in awe. Your heart fluttered in your chest. He was coming back to you. You gently took his hands to bring them to your lips and kissed his knuckles, “and I love you more.”

The softness of your tone made new tears rush to his eyes. Tired, relieved tears. You tiptoed and kissed his lips more determinedly. “I’m yours, James Barnes. I’m yours and I’m here,” you whispered, smiling softly against his lips. The desperate, choked out whimpered that escaped his throat made your heart ache and you cupped his cheek, kissing every single inch of his face as his fingers dug possessively in the flesh of your hips. “Come on, let’s get me out of those pants and take that shower.” He nodded and unbuttoned your jeans before your squirmed your way out of them.

Slowly, you guided him to the bathroom. After running the water for a moment it was warm enough for you stepped in the shower, quickly followed by Bucky. Your shower was too small for two grown ups, forcing you two to stand impossible close to each other. You took his soap, he was still old fashioned when it came to body wash and, after rubbing the bar of soap between your hands, you gently started to massage his chest, neck, bicep and arm. Every time the water washed the bubbles away, you kissed the freshly cleaned skin again. Bucky sighed in content when you took a little more time on his shoulders and back, easing the knots in his aching muscles. He let you wash his hair but, when he noticed you struggle to reach the top of his head, he kneeled down in front of you, mumbling “I don’t care” when you told him he was going to hurt his knees. He simply pressed a kiss onto your stomach and purred when you resumed in massaging his scalp. Bucky was holding on the back of your thighs, relishing in the softness of your touch on him, his fail mission going down the drain with the tainted water. Holding onto you, the cries slowly died in his head, replaced by the splashing of the running water and your soft humming.

When every single inch of his body was clean, he stood up again and it was his turn to take the bar of soap. He loved your freshly out of the shower, but there was nothing he loved more than the smell of his soap on you. You didn’t fight him, you weren’t the kind to refuse Bucky’s hands on you. And particularly tonight when it was part of a healing process. With all the care and softness in the world, he rubbed the bubbles on your body. His eyes meticulously followed his hands, trying to drill each curve and edge of your body in his mind as if he didn’t already knew it by heart, with closed eyed, with his fingers, eyes, tongue. He knew you better than he know himself. He relished in each sigh when he pressed these strategic points that could have you putty in his hands in a second. Your lips danced on the edge of a smile when you noticed he was smiling while touching you. His brows were drawn together, sign of a deep focus, but his lips were curled up into a genuine smile that warmed up your heart. He watched the water washing the bubbles away with a childish fascination. It was only when he looked back up at your face that he noticed just how relaxed he felt and that he was actually smiling. The mission was only a faint memory. He wasn’t here anymore. He wasn’t trapped in his head anymore. He was with you, almost stuck in a too small shower with the love of his life and he felt at peace. He gently took your hands and brought them to his lips, smiling at you with such adoration you felt it stronger against your skin than the water stream. “Thank you,” he whispered. You smiled back at him, “I love you,” you simply answered.


	5. “Fill up a cart and have a little girl with you”

Bucky’s brows knitted as he scanned around. He tried his best to ignore the many people around him, his eyes desperately looking for your bright fuchsia sweater. He knew it was a bad idea, why you had insisted was a mystery to him but he should have said no. You should have stayed home while he handled everything by himself. The worst scenarios started rushing in his head. What if you had fell? Maybe you hurt yourself? Maybe someone didn’t see you and ran into you, causing you to hit your head, or even worse, your belly! “Fucking hell,” he muttered, his heart beating an uneven pace as fear crept into his system and spread in his veins. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and quickly unlocked his screen to try calling you again, hoping this time you’d pick up. Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose as the tone led him to your answering machine, once more. “Y/N, come on. I’m worrying sick there, where are you?” He hung up after his third voicemail, already looking for a solution to find you ASAP and drag you out of there into the safety of your home.

“Hey there, I was looking for you,” you chimed, causing Bucky’s heart to jump out of his chest. He span around and his eyes widened when he saw your beaming face. “What are you doing?!” he gasped when his eyes landed on your arms that were juggling with the various items you were carrying. “Um, buying food? What else would I be doing in a supermarket?” you snorted as he quickly took the items in his own arms to place them in the already too full cart. You had been wandering the numerous alleys of the store for more than an hour already and the former Winter Soldier didn’t know if there would be any food left for the other customers. Bucky sighed, half relieved to see you well, half annoyed by your pure madness. “What I meant was, where were you and what are you doing carrying all these stuff? You know you should be more careful.” He stepped closer to you again and automatically he placed his hand on your already round belly, “for this little one sake.” It was your turn to sigh. You rolled your eyes and chuckled softly as he pouted. “Bucky, I am five months pregnant, the baby is fine, I am fine. Hormonal but fine,” you reminded him, leaning to kiss his pouty lip as his hand still protectively rested on your stomach. “I know but I don’t like you getting out of my sight,” he mumbled.

James Buchanan Barnes had always been the protective kind, especially when it came to you. But ever since you both discovered that the pill wasn’t one-hundred percent safe, his protective instinct had peaked to the roof. After the shock of the news, fear had quickly taken over him and he could feel the weight of thousand questions crushing him. How could he be a good father? What if the baby didn’t grow up normal because of serum and hurt you in the process? What if he hurt the baby with his metal arm? Or even with his other one? What if the baby was afraid of him? What if you stopped loving him if the baby didn’t want to be near him? Bucky was spiraling and you knew him enough to know what his doubts were about. So you had dragged him to the medical bay and asked Bruce for a sonogram, to know if everything was okay. Bucky had looked at you, uncertain as you lifted your shirt and Bruce spread the cold gel on your stomach. Nervousness started to make your heart beat erratically as well and you automatically reached for Bucky’s hand, suddenly realizing that something was growing in your stomach and, if Bucky wanted it too, you’d be having a baby.

You held onto Bucky’s hand a little too tight and we started to wonder if you were in pain. As he was about to open his mouth to ask you if everything was alright, the most beautiful sound Bucky ever heard rang in his ears and made his mind go completely blank. The second the baby’s heartbeat filled the room, it echoed in Bucky’s heart. His breathing hitched and his eyes kept going to the little spot on the screen, your stomach and then your smiling face where tears were escaping from your eyes, trying to make sense of all of what was happening. When you brushed his cheek, he noticed his cheeks were wet with tears, his lips curled up as high as yours. “That’s our baby,” he whispered shakily. You nodded and chocked out a laughter. “Yes,” you giggled through your tears. “That is indeed your baby and it looks very healthy and very normal for now,” Banner said, bringing your and Bucky’s attention to him. “I think congratulations are in order,” he chuckled.

Ever since that day, Bucky promised himself to be there for you and the baby, day or night. He was always around and if he couldn’t, he would text you and call you to make sure you were okay, that you didn’t need anything. It was adorable. Except on days when the pregnancy made you cranky, those would be the only times you’d specifically ask him to give you space and he would comply. He was so devoted to you and the little human being growing inside of you, it made the bad days actually bearable for now.

You smiled softly at Bucky and kissed his cheek, “you’re too much sometimes,” you teased. “And, honestly, do you really think you can stand between me and food?” He chuckled heartily and tilted his head to plant a kiss to your neck. “Honestly, I’m pretty sure even The Hulk doesn’t stand chance against you if there’s food involved.” He grinned and you nodded proudly. “Now please, you guys stay close so I stop worrying, I’m this close to actually have a heart attack right now.” Your heart fluttered in your chest when he referred to you in plural, like he always did since the first sonogram. “Promise,” you smiled. When you automatically reached to push the cart, Bucky beat you to it, faking a dirty look. You shook your head affectionately and walked beside him, feigning annoyance when he placed a kiss on your shoulder.

“Do you need anything else?” Bucky asked, checking the cart contents. He smiled when he noticed you picked all your current cravings: watermelon, cherries, strawberries, twizzlers, tomato soup… “Are we following a new color diet of some kind?” he teased, quirking a brow at you. You only shook your head and chuckled. “We’re not, I’m just trying to adapt,” you shrugged. Bucky frowned in confusion. “Adapt to what?” His brows furrowed deeper when your lips curled up into a mischievous smile and you pulled something from behind your back. You placed a soft pink onesie on the cart that said ‘Doll’ in golden glitters. “For the ridiculous amount of pink we’re gonna drown in very soon,” you chuckled, emotion vivid in your voice. Bucky looked at you for a second, stunned. His lips parted lightly in surprise before his eyes swam with tears. “Wha-what?” he stuttered, breathless. You giggled and cupped his face, “why do you think I’m been dressing in various shades of pink like Dolores fucking Umbrage for a week, and eating nothing but pink or red food? God! You’re pretty clueless for a former assassin, James Barnes,” you teased, your heart throbbing in excitement as he tried to blink away his tears and make sense of what you were saying.

Bucky was a clever man. He knew how to react quick and efficiently when needed. But right now, his brain was a complete blur. “It’s a girl? Are you sure about that?” he asked, trying to hold back his relieved laughter as happiness quickly replacing confusion on his feature when he saw no doubt or joke in your eyes. You nodded eagerly, “remember when you went on that short mission the other day? It was only a few hours long but I was worried sick about you getting hurt. I was spiraling and Natasha feared I was having a panic attack so she though that listening to the baby’s heartbeat would calm me down. Only Dr. Cho was there and she accidentally let it slip, thinking I already knew it. She said our baby girl was perfect,” you giggled as your eyes swelled up with tears.

Bucky decided to ignore about your panic just for a minute to only focus on the other part of your story. You were having a little girl. A baby girl. A mini you, the girl who decided he was worthy of you and gave him a chance. You, the girl who made his day a living dream since the first time he entered your office for info on the new tech equipment you created. You, who were going to give him a little girl that was going to look exactly like you and bless his days with the same smile. Overwhelmed by the amount of love and gratitude he was feeling for you, Bucky ignored people’s dirty looks at you when he choked out a sob and dropped on his knee to rest his forehead against your bump. “My babygirl,” he chuckled, tears still hot in his eyes.

He pressed a kiss on your stomach, letting his lips linger there for a while, hoping it would somehow reach your daughter before looking up at you who were biting your bottom lip to keep yourself from crying. He swore you had became more and more beautiful with each day that your belly grew. He could spend hours with his head on your lap and his ear glued to your belly to hear the baby moving around. He often talked to her after he heard babies could hear and recognize the voices. Sometimes you woke up at night to the the pillow next to yours empty and cold and Bucky’s soft whisper as he told the baby about you, about him, about his family or how her room is going to look like. You kept pretending to sleep, not wanting to interrupt these privileged moments between the two of them. And with the way his hand rubbed your belly or he nuzzled your skin to kiss everywhere he could feel the baby moving, it never took you long to fall back to sleep, feeling warm and protected.

“Why not telling me before, you sneaky little liar?” Bucky gasped at the glint of amusement in your eyes. You laughed heartily when he pretended to pinch the back of your thigh before standing up again, oblivious to people’s stare. You shrugged and snaked your arms around his neck, relieved and happy that he wasn’t mad at you for keeping it a secret. “Your daughter and I were just craving watermelon and wanted to have fun so why not kill two birds with one stone, huh?” You chuckled as he placed his left hand on the side of your stomach, on your daughter, while the other was pulling your as close to him as the belly allowed him to. The playful smile dancing on your lips made his heart grow too big for his chest when he realized he was literally holding his life in his arms. His future. “God, you two are already teaming up against me, better watch my back,” he chuckled, leaning to press a soft kiss to your lips, sighing in content.

You smiled wide, responding to the kiss until he pulled away, his eyes wide. “Wait, that means we can finally buy that cute pink sleep bag with the panda on it?” His face lit up so much you couldn’t suppress the heartfelt laugh that ran past your lips. “Oh god, this little one is going to be the happiest little girl on Earth.” Bucky nodded, “I’ll do my best to do so.”


	6. Epilogue “Look at you sleep and see myself heal”

Bucky had been through a lot in his century long life. He could say he had been through hell and back. He saw wars, death, fear and he fought. His entire life he had fought. Fought for Steve, for his family, for his country, for a secret organization that wanted to rule the world, for his life. Bucky had found resources within him he didn’t know existed and he discovered what surviving instinct meant decades ago. But when he looked at the sight before his eyes, he knew he’d do it all over again if it meant that, in the end, it would lead him right there, right now.

When Steve had told him he would handle the report and that he could go home, the former Winter Soldier had almost ran out of the tower to go back home. Since you had given birth to your little girl, Bucky had considerably slowed down the missions. He never left for more than a few hours, not bearing to be away from you for too long. If he was already really protective of you during the pregnancy, it had gotten even worse since your little Rebecca was born.

It didn’t take long for him to make his way to the apartment and, after kicking off his shoes and hanging his jacket near the door, he padded his way through the silent apartment. According to the silence surrounding him, it was nap time. He decided to greet you first and made his way to your shared room before going to the nursery. He expected you to read or be working despite your maternity leave. But you were not. Bucky’s feet stopped the second he stepped in the room and he admired the sight you were offering him.

You were curled up on your side on the bed and against your chest was Rebecca, sleeping as peacefully as you. The only sounds Bucky could hear was your peaceful breathings and little sighs of content mixed with the adorable baby noise Rebecca always did whether she was asleep or not. The sounds quickly became some of Bucky’s favorite. The one that could soothe his soul on the stormiest days. He could still remember the first time he held her in his arms. She was a few minutes old and he never felt more out of place in his entire life, yet, he knew he was meant to be there. Because he was holding his baby girl. Your daughter. A life he helped creating.

She felt so tiny and light in his arms, so fragile he couldn’t help but hold her closer to his chest. Something deep and primal within him begged him to do everything he could so she would never have to go through anything he had to, so she would be loved and cherished. He felt so overwhelmed by the amount love he was feeling for her, he couldn’t hold back his tears anymore. Silent happy tears rushed on his cheeks as he brushed her little hand with his left one “Hi, my love,” he had whispered, smiling softly. He wasn’t expecting her to react to his voice. But, yet, his newborn child opened an eye to the familiar voice and grabbed onto one of his finger so tightly. He choked out a breathless laughter before looking up at you who were desperately trying to wipe away your happy tears.

That took place about five months ago and since that day, his love for the two of you kept on growing stronger and stronger with each day that passed. Because when he looked at you two, he knew everything would be okay. He knew he could go through everything, war, torture, fear, the loss of his sister, the bad days, because you were here right by his side. As he walked to the bed to lie down next to you two, he realized he didn’t remember the last time he had a bad day. When his sister had passed you were already eight months pregnant and, if he was very shaken up and devastated, having you by his side helped him not to spiral.

Every time a dark thought crossed his mind, he’d place his hand on your stomach to feel the baby, lean to listen and talk to her. She was there to remind him that everything would be okay. And since she was there and offered him the same smile as yours, he knew he finally had found that peace of mind he had been looking for decades. He lied down close to you and place a soft kiss on your forehead, letting his lips linger a little longer as he protectively placed his hand on Rebecca’s stomach. You sighed in content but didn’t wake up, making Bucky smile softly before he rested his head on your pillow. He placed a kiss on the top of his daughter’s head, taking his time to breathe in the so comforting baby smell he grew addicted to. 

With one hand he played with your hair while he brushed his thumb over Rebecca’s belly. His lips curled into a soft, dazed smile at the cosy fabric of the pink pajama. He simply couldn’t get enough of this, of you two, of her. This was were he belonged, with the love of his life and your perfect daughter sleeping peacefully in his arms. He was so grateful that you gave him that, this family, this perfect and normal life. And you managed to handle it with a natural gracefulness that made Bucky fall in love with you even more. The softness and love that radiated from you when you were holding Rebecca touched Bucky so deeply it made him want to hold you both close forever and protect you with his own life.

Bucky was so lost in his thoughts, he didn’t realize Rebecca was slowly waking up. It’s only when the little girl brought her fist to her face to brush the sleep away from her eyes that his eyes focused on her. At first, he didn’t move, wanting to see if she was going to fall back to sleep. But when she looked up and their eyes met, the smile that crept up her lips indicated him she was fully awake. His heart beat an extra beat when she wiggled her legs in excitement to see her daddy again. “Hey there, my love,” Bucky cooed softly, gently lifting her to bring her close to his chest without waking you up.

Rebecca let out a little yawn before squealing in joy, immediately clinging on his shirt with her little fist and looking for his left hand. Bucky chuckled when he understood what she was doing and immediately presented his hand in front of her. The toddler’s face lighted up in recognition and she determinately grabbed his hand before bringing one of the digit to her mouth so she could munch on it. “You little animal, you’re lucky you’re cute,” Bucky chuckled softly, leaning to kiss Rebecca’s cheek repeatedly. The little girl giggled heartily, causing Bucky’s heart to burst out of his chest with love. 

“I think she started teething.” Your sleepy voice caught the two Barnes’ attention and two pair of steel blue eyes looked your way. You chuckled softly at the perfect synchronization and wondered how Bucky could say she looked like you when she was all him. “Oh, so that’s why she’s been trying to snack on me, now!” Bucky chuckled, leaning his face into Rebecca’s neck again and pretending to eat her, making your daughter laugh even louder than before. You couldn’t help but join their laughter as you stretched your body and sat up against the headboard. The second Bucky tried to pull away, Rebecca started squealing excitingly for him to continue.

“Good god, I wonder which one of you is having more fun,” you teased. Bucky pulled away to let Rebecca catch her breath and looked up at you, “she started it!” He defended himself, making you snort a laugh. “Last time I checked, she was sleeping peacefully. Now you come back home and reject the fault on her? You should be ashamed of yourself, Barnes!” You faked a dirty look but gently tucked on of his lock behind his ear so Rebecca wouldn’t try to pull on it. Bucky chuckled and leaned to peck your lips softly, “m’sorry,” he grinned, making you giggle.

You pressed firmer kiss on his lips before kissing a trail down his neck and rested your head on his shoulder. Bucky opened his arm to wrap it around you and pull you closer to him, holding Rebecca with his other arm. The little girl watched you both with curious eyes and a wide smile. When you placed your left hand on his chest, she tried to catch the white gold band with the sparkling rock that always caught her eyes, making you chuckle.

“How was the mission?” you asked, wiggling your fingers which seemed to be the most hilarious thing Rebecca had ever seen. Bucky chuckles softly and nuzzled your hair before placing a kiss on the top of your head, “good, in and out. Fast and easy, no damage. I just wanted to come home to my girls. How was your day?” You smiled softly, “It was good. We went shopping because I needed some clothes to get back to work next month so of course I ended up only buying things for her.”

You both chuckled when your daughter offered you her most angelic smile, as if she knew what you guys were talking about. “Then we had lunch with my mom and came home for a nap and waiting for daddy to come home, right baby?” you cooed at Rebecca whose interest peaked and she clapped in excitement before leaning closer to you two and buried her face in Bucky’s neck. Bucky swore he could have cried at this moment. You chuckled and kissed his cheek softly before placing your left hand on Rebecca’s back.

Nothing could be moments like those to you. Just the three of you, enjoying each other’s presence. Bucky’s eyes landed on your left hand and he looked at you, smiling softly. “So, have you decided on a date you’d like?” You smiled and looked down at the ring he had given you the day you came home with Rebecca. You bit your lip to keep from smiling too wide at the memory and shrugged, “I don’t know. Everybody is telling me we should start booking now if we want it to happen next year, but I don’t want to wait that long. I don’t want to make a fuss about it. I just want to spend the day with the people I love and eat cake and candies and say ‘I do’”

Bucky’s smile widened at your confession. “Then let’s do that,” he simply said, kissing your forehead. Your brows shoot up in surprise, expecting him to be more old-fashioned about wedding. “Really?” You chuckled. He nodded. “Let’s order a big cake from that bakery you love so much and buy all the candies. I wouldn’t say no to some pizza, by the way. And I’m sure Stark has a place outside of the city were we could just enjoy food and say ‘I do’ surrounded by people we love.” Your entire face lit up at the soft smile that played on his lips.

“You’d want that? Something simple and intimate?” the second the question ran past your lips, you realized how stupid it was to guess he would have wanted something else because simple and intimate was exactly what defined your couple. Bucky chuckled softly and pulled you closer to himself even though you didn’t know it was physically possible. “It’s all I want, stuff our faces and be able to call you Mrs. Y/N Barnes.” Your heart skipped a beat when you heard his last name combined to your first. You bit your lip and giggled, “it sounds legit, I’m tired of being outnumbered.”

You looked down at Rebecca who’s face was hidden in her father’s neck but she was still looking at you. She smiled wide when she saw she had your attention. “Two Barnes against me, it’s not fair,” you chuckled, leaning to pretend to bite your daughter’s cheek, which made her squeal and giggle again. Bucky couldn’t help to laugh heartily before starting to tickle you. Both your laughters rang into his ears and made his heart swell so much with love in his chest, he wondered how his ribcage didn’t crack open under the pressure.

As you and Rebecca squirmed in his arms, laughing heartily in your shared bed, he felt every single piece of his shattered soul finally form only one again. He could feel happiness radiating deep within him, pulsing through his veins and warming up him from inside. Every laughter, every soft touch, smile, gaze from you and Rebecca, every attention made him feel more alive than he ever felt in his entire life. He was no longer broken. No. You had fixed him like you had fixed the wires and plates in his arms so many times. He was finally healed.


End file.
